Twenty Questions. Perhaps more like 30,000... but I have had these questions swimming around in my mind all day. I thought I could make it a game. I'm jotting down the questions, then I'll put a few responses at the end. Match the answer to the question, you get a gold star. If you have a real response to any of these questions, please, enlighten me!
1. Why does every celebrity have their own perfume? Do they really think I wanna smell like JLo?
2. Who is going to buy all the toxic assets that are drowning the major banks?
3. Why does Suze Orman love Bernie Madoff? Red herring.
4. Why am I sweaty by 10 am every morning? I don't work out.
5. Why do people live in Utah if they hate snow SO much? (Like one of my neighbors)
6. Why does my son think that my "jiggly tushie" is fun to play with? Is it malicious?
7. Why does Brookie Bean eat everything except food? My Vans, yes, but peas...
8. When did my love affair with DI begin? I think it's a problem. I can't stop "donating"...
9. Am I ever going to feel less frumpy again?
10. Who are these women with twins with flat stomachs, and why didn't my figure snap back? C'mon!
11. How does Alex figure that popcorn and a bowl of chocolate chips is "an organic dinner?" (his words)
12. Why do I hate actors so much? Jealousy? Making so much money for synthetic lives?
13. Why can't Hollywood produce an original thought these days?
14. DO I really have to cook dinner? Can't my kids just have a healthy dinner of popcorn and chocolate chips?
15. Why do I stay up so late when I'm SO freaking tired all the time?
16. Where did the word "fetch" originate?
17. Why does Nadya Suleman give me the creeps?
18. For that matter, why do the Duggars and Jon and Kate plus Eight give me the creeps?
19. Are CFC light bulbs going to give me cancer, or make me look pasty all the time?
20. Why can't I read a good book instead of watching Gilmore Girl episodes over and over?
21. How and when did "Lost" and "Heroes" start to suck? I had such high hopes.
22. Why are drivers SO angry?
23. Why, instead of doing laundry, am I on the Internet?
24. At what point will I get my brain back?
25. At what point will I get cognizant thought back?
26. How does common vernacular become, well, vernacular? ('fo shizzle)
27. Who is going to do all this laundry around me? Oh right. Me.
28. Why won't my hair grow faster?
29. How did Jack become the family comedian overnight?
30. Why are stirrup pants back?
31. Why did that guy in Florida steal foot cream by knife point?
32. Back to the Suleman octuplets... when will the State intervene? (shivers. Seriously, the woman gives me the creeps. Not an Angelina wannabe? Gimme a break.)
33. Why am I blogging when I need to make dinner? Now, where are the chocolate chips...
Here are some answers:
A. It's all for the money.
B. 'Cuz you have kids, duh!
C. All in good time, good time...
D. Who said it would?
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4 comments:
I'm glad I'm not the only one totally creeped out by the octuplets mom...
I have had the same thoughts on many of your items. We had never seen Heroes or Lost until recently when we rented the whole thing. As we watch this season we're dying from both! It was good up until recently.
I have never known of someone that had twins to have a flat belly again, unless it was with a tummy tuck. Seriously. (I haven't had twins but some day will have that blasted surgery!)
Sometimes when I read a book that I can't put down, I let my kids feed themselves. It's always an adventure... crackers, cereal. Anything from a box. Sometimes I find a spoon in the sugar bag or flour. I cannot imagine doing it all by myself. Kudos to you! You deserve the Mother of the Year award!
Popcorn and chocolate chips? Awesome. I think we could do that for dinner tonight. We had chocolate cake for dinner a couple weeks ago. My kids ate girl scout cookies for lunch yesterday while I read Austenland for the third time.
I used to watch the Gilmore Girls over and over. If I banned my son from the TV and he got really desperate, he'd ask to watch it...it worked often. (The only reason I don't anymore is that, in a fit of self-righteousness, thinking Lorelei should've placed Rory for adoption like I wish so many more girls would do, I gave all my seasons away. I still miss them--except the last season. It was weird and I stopped watching. Why'd they ditch Amy Sherman-Palladino?)
The Octu-mom. Poor, screwed up lady. Stupid, irresponsible, practically criminal doctor. I feel bad she's been labeled like Doc Oc, but the vibe I get from her is that of a teenager on Tyra saying she wants to have a baby so someone will love her unconditionally. I wonder if her 14 kids with no father all living in a small home with their grandparents will love her unconditionally. I wonder if they'll end up in foster care. It's more sad than creepy to me.
My little girl eats every shoe that comes through the door. My 2 year old son likes to try them all on--especially my heels. He's got the legs for it.
Stirrup pants are an eternal mystery. We're not supposed to know why. (But we should all avoid them. Seriously. Everybody.)
You will ABSOLUTELY get your groove back. I have no doubt. I nominated you for a killer make-over on the Seriously So Blessed blog, but you didn't win. Sorry. It's hard to beat a lady who lost two children in less than 15 months. But your kids won't always need so much attention. When I look back at the pictures from right after I had my son, I am stupefied. (I think that's when I knew you.) It was worse than middle school. How did I let that happen? I have no idea. But things have improved. Maybe growing bangs and watching What Not to Wear helped the most. You don't need any style tips, though. Maybe just need more help at home and time alone?
The Duggars bug me for some reason, but Jon & Kate plus 8 grew on me. I cleaned my fridge a couple weeks ago because Kate was so grossed out by the fridge in their new house. It looked a lot like mine. How the heck does she keep her house so clean? Bonus of being on TV--a plastic surgeon felt bad for her and gave her a free tummy tuck. I really don't like "Big World: Little People" though.
I take a lot of comfort from the actresses who never do look the same after having kids...like what's-her-bucket Remy on The King of Queens. When Oprah asked Meryl Streep what she knew for sure a few years ago, she responded, "I know I'll never lose the 15 pounds I gained when I was pregnant with my son." Some things can only be changed by plastic surgery. In the case of my own boobs, I would consider that reconstructive surgery--something you'd absolutely do after a car wreck. Children are a car wreck to your body. Mine anyway. But I'll keep trying.
My husband was a financial planner for a little while and he hates Suze Orman like nothing I've seen. She sent me over the edge a few months back when she was on Oprah and told some lady she wasn't prepared to be a stay-at-home mom financially and that her baby would be able to sense her stress level and be better off in daycare with a financially stable, presumably calmer mother. I'm going to start keeping bean bags near the couch to throw at the TV.
Here's my question: Why can they make adhesive glues that hold metal together like it's been soldered, but my nail polish chips off the tips the second I start doing dishes?
wow. that was a really long comment. sorry.
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