Pity Princess Learns a Lesson

I have been in the throes of "woe is me" for the past couple of months, and I know I can attribute a large portion of that to pregnancy hormones. However, this is the time when mothers want to start setting up the nursery, buy the layettes, get the car seats, etc., and right now all we can do is prepare for this time before my husband's middle east deployment. Probably 12,234,765 times a day I want to stamp my foot and say, "I'm the princess! I'm the one having twins! Pamper me!" But, it's not happening, folks. There are tasks to be done and my son to take care of. Most moms get to fill out baby registries, we get to finalize a will and estate planning for the horrific "what ifs" of a dangerous wartime deployment. Most moms are painting nurseries and picking out patterns, I'm trying to find a place to stay with my kids where I know I may not be there for much longer than this deployment. My shoulders have been weighing heavy with my pity princess party for some time when a huge message from God came to me. This is literally what it was: "Snap out of it. This too shall pass." Snap out of it. The initial shock of the 2x4 to the head was followed by me asking, "HOW?" Well, I am now going to step up on my soapbox and give you a few suggestions that have helped me "snap out of it."

1: Remember who you are.

Who you really are, folks. Who was I before this giant obstacle course? Well, I have a severe case of wanderlust. I have traveled to/lived in 22 countries and 28 states, and I have affinity for diversity and learning about new cultures. Granted, as a busy mom you can't pack the backpack and book a flight to Cairo, but you can head to the library and pick up a book on a country that fascinates you. I read when I am bed-restin' and I read children's books to my son about places far away. Bob the Builder is fine, but find a great illustrated book about Tanzania and expand your children's horizon.

2: Do what you love.

There was a time when I called myself a dancer, but that is a title I rarely don since motherhood. I do not have opportunities to dance anymore, as my husband's schedule rarely gives time for me to do something outside the home. Dance was a major part of my life, but music has always been my oldest friend. I would get odd stares in dance studios when tears would start to flow, but it was the music, not the movement, that was evoking those feelings from deep within. Since moving in with my parents, I have the opportunity to once again play the Chickering grand piano of my childhood. Having my fingers feel the familiar pressure of those keys has been an enormous source of comfort. I am playing music I love, and the gorgeous bass tone of the Chickering has carried my worries out the window into the autumn wind.

3: Snap out of it.

Seriously. There are an infinite number of reasons why you are lucky to be where you are. Find them, count your blessings, and quit whining.

4: You ARE a child of a God who loves you.

Wherever you are from or what you believe in, God knows you, loves you, and in His infinite power is acutely aware of your feelings and trials. My friend from Egypt is a fabulous Muslim woman who attributes everything to God. I am Christian, yet she and I share the same feelings about God. Whether you have abandoned the religion of your childhood, are completely active in your beliefs, or have antagonistic feelings toward religion in general, God knows you. He is real. He loves you. His hand is always stretched forth to give you comfort and strength. It is up to you to accept His hand.

5: Look around you.

Grace is subtle, and beauty, doubly so when life is feeling a bit "off." My son has been an example of grace, kindness, and forgiveness. These moments pop up when you least expect it. Slow down, take a deep breath, and look for the beauty among the thorns.

6: There is dignity and nobility in motherhood.

It is the most selfless act a woman can perform. Seldom glamorous, rarely about self, but when we recognize the infinite importance and influence a mother has, maybe we would quit the criticism and revere motherhood more. I am sick of hearing people say, "Oh, you're just a mom? Well, what else do you do?" Mothers who stay home know just how much you really do. It's exhausting, and I, for one, am sick of people feeling "sorry" for me for throwing away my life to be "just a mom." I've added a link to a talk given by Julie B. Beck of the LDS Church titled, "Women Who Know." Read it, be empowered. Then go buy yourself a copy of Jane Clayson Johnson's book, "I am a Mother." Guess What? There is no greater calling on this Earth. This is a silent majority, ladies. People who would lead you to believe that you stand alone as you stay home are just reinforcing their decision to abandon their children for self-aggrandizement and temporal gratification. Think about it. I quit my masters degree because I KNEW that was not where I was supposed to be. Alex and our twins will only be little once, take their first steps, say their first words, once. They need their momma. If I have offended, well, here's a little saying from the Rock Canyon Assembly of God marquis in town: "The truth shall set you free, but it just might make you mad at first."

Well, I'm snapping out of it. Whenever I feel the need to stamp my foot and yell, "This is SO not fair!" I remember that God taught me a valuable lesson in an abrupt answer. I may not have a delicately painted nursery to decorate, or even a place of my own right now, but these twins growing inside of me will KNOW that they are the sparkling jewels in my crown. I can create stability and peace for my children through my actions and words, not through a fancy house. We choose our ways, we choose our paths within the forest.

Enough soapboxing. A quick warning about self-pity parties: they have a frighteningly quick snowballing effect. What was bad will quickly get worse if you don't snap out of it. Step back, gain perspective. I'll be surprised if anyone reads to this point, but I'm heeding the answer to a heartfelt prayer by snapping out of it.