Finding Sweet Serenity

It's nearly 1am, and I should seriously be in bed right now.

I'm stuck in this Catch22-esque trap: The cost of personal time. In order to be by myself, have time to collect my thoughts and have a moment of serenity, I have to stay up into the wee hours of the night, after the dishes are done, the kitchen cleaned, the toys put away, the third song sung to a sleepy child, and the 12,325th pacifier placed back into a baby's mouth. By the time I finish the night routine, it's, well, 1 am.

I have found it crucial to my mental well-being these past few months to find a way to get time to myself. With teething in stereo combined with the fearsome four year-old, there is always someone crying in the house. 24 hours a day. It's freaking rad.

Two nights ago during my "free time," I did something stupid: I watched a horror movie on AMC. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I couldn't sleep, and when I finally DID sleep (after turning on every light in and around the house), my little girl was up and screaming, rattling the bars in her crib to summon me. Sleep time gone. Back to being Mom-on-duty. That time it was until 0400.

I'm starting to realize (perhaps a 1am illumination) that finding serenity is going to be a matter of mindset. My absolute favorite movie, "Office Space," has a lead character that searches for a mental vacation while going through the workday. He sees his boss, hears nothing but tropical muzak playing in his head. I think that from now on, when I hear the crying, I'll play my mental soundtrack and go on "vacation." Vacate the brain, if you will.

Tonight was my parent's church party, and they proudly showed off the twins and their grandson to their friends. My second pet peeve of the year, the following question, was asked no less than 12 times tonight:

"My Gosh! HOW do you do it? No, seriously? I don't know how you do this!"

I just look them square in the face and give them my all-too honest answer:

"Prayer. Oh, and a lot of caffeine. Seriously."

When I met my sister's Bishop at the baptism of her 3rd child, he asked me the very same question, to which I replied,

"Prayers... and caffeine."

My sister, aghast at my comment to her bishop, said, "Well, medicinally, right?"

To which I replied, "I guess you could call the good doctor--Dr. Pepper-- medicinal, so, sure!"

Here's my moral: Sweet serenity is sure hard to find sometimes. A sense of humor can always be there. Fake the laughter until you really feel it. It's a nice change to have tears rolling down your face from laughing. I'm grateful for these quiet moments in my house, but it comes at a cost: my health. Nothing makes a momma crazier than sleep-deprivation. Ladies, you KNOW what I'm talking about. So, time for me to go to sleep. I can laugh about this in the morning...